Sunday, August 15, 2010


You know when you ride a rollercoaster, and right before a big hill the rollercoaster attaches to a chain and as you get pulled up you hear, "Click....Click....Click....Click"? That's the sound I keep hearing in the back of my head right now. I know the rollercoaster metaphor is probably overused, but in this journey towards surrogacy it really applies. Aaron and I started wanting to have a child. We waited in line until it was "our turn," got in, and pulled down the safety bar. And then the coaster was like nothing we expected. We hit hairpin turns, corkscrews, and even some loop-de-loops. We bottomed out at those places where it feels like a volvo is sitting on your chest, and hit the top of hills where it feels like gravity doesn't apply and you float for several seconds. And now we're approaching another big

On Monday evening we're heading to Portland to meet with 2 agencies and a lawyer. We're really getting this process going, IN TWO DAYS!
I spoke with 4 agencies on the phone and we've narrowed it down to two. One of the agencies was very expensive, and they weren't comfortable with having the implantation take place in Seattle, they wanted everything done in Oregon. To do the IVF procedure I'm going to have to get a bunch of shots over a period of a bit more than a week and have ultrasounds nearly every day. I really don't want to take the time off from work to spend over a week in Portland doing that, Particularly because we've found a fertility clinic in Seattle we really like and I want to work with them. Another agency has been pretty slow to return phone calls and e-mails. I'm talking like 3-4 days, or never getting a response to an e-mail I sent. They seemed great on the phone, but if that's the return time for phone calls and e-mails now when we're not signed with them, then why should we think it would be any different if we signed with them? So that's two that have been crossed off the list, leaving 2 for us to meet with on Tuesday....Click....Click....Click....Click

I suppose I should mention that on Friday I had my first major meltdown of the surrogacy process. One of those throwing-pillows-screaming-into-pillows-refusing-kleenex-as-snot-runs-down-your-chin-damn-this-sucks-balled-up-on-the-couch meltdowns. I don't really know why. Well, I guess I do. This process is hard. It's weird. And at times it feels really lonely. Let's face it, 99.99% of the population doesn't have to have kids this way. And I'm jealous. Well, maybe not jealous, but I feel bad. I want to have kids the easy way, just like everyone else. And it hurts that we have to do it this way. We've accepted it, I'm ok with it, but it still really hurts at times. I get so mad that I've got this weird disease and how much it's changed my life. And usually I'm ok with it. I've gotten to a place of acceptance and okness with it. But then something like this comes up. And I feel broken all over again. I feel pissed off that I'm so different. I feel angry that I can't be fixed. And I feel horrible for how difficult this can make the simplest things for Aaron and for our marriage. Aaron is, of course, wonderful. He accepts me and loves me in whatever condition I am, and he wouldn't have it any other way. But it still sucks. And that little part of me that's angry that we have to go through all of this erupts every now and then. And it's a lot of stress. Talking to agencies, trying to figure out who is best to help you have a baby. For most couples it just happens. You don't have to think about the minutia. But on this road you examine every detail and look at every little thing, and feel responsible for every little thing. Oh I wish it were as easy as they made it sound in health class in high school.

My friend Michael may actually have a movie about his journey! He's been joking about it every since this started, and it turns out his surrogate has a friend who is a documentary film maker who wants to follow their journey! So I gues Neil Patrick Harris isn't going to play him since he'll be playing himself. I just think that's really cool. There's got to be something better than "Baby Mama" for people to know about surrogacy. Maybe we will still make a major motion picture after this and I will get Amy Adams to play me. I'll throw this out to the world now, if anyone wants to make a movie about our journey, I'm all for it, just give me a call!

So that's all the news for right now. We're just about at the crest of the hill for this part of our journey. Oh boy. Hang on. Sit tight. Keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times.!


  1. hi tiff,

    i have a technical question: what's the likelihood that IVF with a surrogate will produce more than one baby? don't they usually implant two or even three embryos to increase the chance that at least one will 'take hold'? could you be talking about twins or even triplets here? are you guys ready for that possibility? i.e. stocking up on LOTS of sleep over the next year...

    okay, a less weighty question: given any thought to names? that's one of the fun parts!

  2. Yep, this is a roller coaster and apparently I got on the car just in front of yours. I'm about to take the first really, really big drop. I write this I'm starting to get emotional. I just want to say that for every crying/angry/resentful moment I have had, I have had amazing moments too: getting the first baby gift from a friend, interpreting a birth, finding the most amazing match as my egg donor, etc. The good moments do come. But just like a roller coaster, every time you go up, there's a down too. I feel like the hurdles keep coming ( I suddenly a runner?) but each one puts me one step closer. I swear I thought this would never happen, and yet here I am. In about 2 weeks I may get the news that I actually will have a baby in 9 months. It's incredible. So keep holding on. Keep screaming in a combination of joy and fear. And, just like the ride, you'll be happy you did it when it's all over.

    I gotta stop typing. I'm seriously crying now.


  3. Adrienne: IVF can produce twins, triplets or whatever. But, it can only produce as many embryos as are implanted, and we have control and can say how many embryos we want implanted.

    Michael: You are so sweet. Here's a kleenex! Thanks for sharing the journey!

  4. hi tiff,

    thanks for answering my technical question! just wondering if you could accidentally end up the next octo-mom ... kidding.

    but you only answered the first question! i know it's probably early to be thinking about names, but i prick up my ears when i hear a good name and tuck it away for future reference, and i'm not even planning on having a kid yet! you must have thought about it ...


  5. Actually, not really A. We want to wait until we're pregnant to even begin to think of things like that. Don't want to jinx it. :)

  6. Just started reading your blog, love it! I wanted to add to your "technical aspect" that Even if you transfer 1-3 embryos you could end up with 1-6 babies!! Each embryo has the capability of splitting into identical twins/triplets.. This mostly happens with embryos grown out to "blastocysts" or 5 dayers.. OK off I go to finish reading! -- Tonya