Friday, July 16, 2010

It all began a few years ago....

So I was inspired to write this blog by a friend who is blogging about his current life experience relating to mine (continue reading and you'll find out)- Thanks Michael! I've always wondered what I could possibly have to share that anyone else would consider worthwhile reading. Of course, when I worked at Disney or on the cruise ship I would have had a fabulous blog full of exciting tales. But my life now is kind of boring, right?
Well, not really. You see, as most of you know, a few years ago I developed a very odd neurological disease. I've been to doctors in several states now, been tested for everything known, genetic diseases up and down the yin yang and on and on. I've finally gotten to a place spiritually where I'm at peace. For so long I was depressed with so many questions- Why is this happening to me? What did I do to cause it? How can I fix it? What the *(&!$@#)($@! is it? and the very big one, OK, I know what's happening now, but what's going to happen 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road? Aaron and I both wrestled with this over the last several years. And in the last year/year and a half I finally have found peace in God's arms. I don't know the answers to any of my questions, but I know He does. Most importantly, I don't feel like I need to know anymore. I'm learning to live day by day. I'm learning to listen to my body each day and read it for right now, and not worry about what will happen with it tomorrow, or next week or next year or however long away. This is all a work the Lord has done in me, truely by His strength, and not by mine. I've found a medical protocol with medications, PT, daily exercise and acupuncture that works for me. For right now. And that's good enough for me. Aaron and I are also in a place where our marriage is stronger than ever. When something like a major illness happens just few years into your marriage it's going to cause challenges and test you and your spouse. And we've had moments of tears, moments of yelling, moments of not understanding. But most of all we've had moments of love. And moments of amazing communication. We've been through the first fire (I say that because I know there will always be more on the way) and our marriage has been refined and come out shining.
So we're now 5+ years into this crazy thing called marriage, and we want to add to our family beyond Winston (our dog). And that's where the challenge begins. What do you do when your body is unreliable and not a safe haven for a developing child? When the medications that make your life liveable could poison your child? Sometimes expanding your family is not as easy as they made it seem during high school sex ed. So really, that's what this blog is about. Our journey towards growing our family. And I invite you, my friends, to come with us on this journey. To hear where we've been and see where we're going. To be honest, I'm kind of freaked out sharing this much information. I'm sort of a private person in certain areas of my life. I play my cards close to my chest so to speak. But I know we're going to need the love and support and prayers of our family and friends along the way. And that's why I invite you on this journey. I also think the route we are choosing, after much thought and prayer, isn't a commonly discussed route for expanding families, and I want to share our journey and the trials and joys we face along the way to educate others and encourage people to talk about different ways to start and expand families. Most of all, I write this for our future child. To know how much care was put into his/her creation. To know that s/he was desperately wanted. To know that we believe God has a plan and it will be fulfilled with his/her birth. My child, I love you so much already, and I can't wait to hold you in my arms.

PS: I can't say for sure how often and when I'll write in this blog but hopefully I'll get to it every now and then. Thanks for reading.