So whether or not you take the book of genesis literally, I find it interesting that the part that speaks to reproduction speaks to traditional and non-traditional reproduction.
After Eve eats the apple and Adam has a snack too, God comes along and finds them and, along with other things, says to Eve “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe" (Gen. 3:16). Now I could talk about all the psychological pain people who go through non-traditional reproduction face, but right now I'm keeping it real, keeping it light, and keeping it physical!
The other day I received a box. A REALLY BIG box. And in this box were a gazillion different medications (ok, only about 5, but it seems like a gazillion), and around 200 syringes and needles. Why? Because it's time to begin the IVF cycle fertility meds! Woohoo! And, because of Eve and her darn apple-eating ways, all of these are giving via shot. OK, so Eve's probably not exactly the one to blame for the way these meds are taken, but I've got to have someone to blame, right???
The deal is, I'm not really afraid of needles. I don't hate shots. I mean, every 3-4 months I get about 30 Botox injections, so I've gotten used to it. But what I've never had to do is give them to myself! There's something about that that is oh so wrong. I mean, from the time we're kiddos we learn, if we see blood, something not good has happened. Skin breakage=not good. Scissors are for paper, not skin (and not your sister's hair...but that's another story). Pain is not fun. We take Advil and Tylenol to get past a headache. For bigger pains we take bigger drugs. And we consider those who purposefully harm themselves in need of psychological help. And yet now, in the wonderful, miraculous context of having a baby, I am supposed to purposefully do something I am unequivocally evolutionarily programmed against...cause myself pain and pierce the protective barrier of my skin with a sharp object and then shove clear liquid into a body that is already in a happy state of homeostasis. Does anyone else see the conundrum this poses?
The other day I went in for injection lessons. And then it gets better and better. These lovely suckers are going to go into my belly! My lovely, soft tummy! Of course, this is precisely why the shots go there, they go into fat, not muscle and my tummy has a healthy amount of it. So there we are in the office and it comes time for me to try it myself. Swipe with the alcohol, pinch the fat, plunge the needle in (apparently if you do this fast it "doesn't hurt as much." lovely.) and push the plunger. It sounds so easy. Yet I sit there, the needle poised over my pinched fat, and every muscle in my body rebels against what I am trying to do. Although my brain keeps signaling to my arm to "Just do it already!" I can't bring myself to do it.
I had brought Aaron with the idea being that if I couldn't do it, then he can just give me the shots. But then, as we sat there, I had second thoughts about that one. First of all, Aaron gets up and leaves for work at crazy hours, like 6:00 am. I can think of few more lousy ways to wake up than with a kiss from my husband (ok that's not so bad, but wait for it...) and then a sharp object stabbed into my belly. Then another thought crossed my mind. What exactly will it do for our marriage if he stabs me with 3-4 needles a day for the next month? If I'm suffering cognitive dissonance at the thought of giving myself shots, then what's going to happen to my psyche if this person who I love dearly starts jabbing me with needles several times a day? I don't know if there are any published studies on that, but that can't be good for a marriage. I mean, I complain about the way he takes bandaids off of my back after my botox injections. If I complain about bandaids good gracious what will I say when it comes to multiple stabbings a day?
No, it's time for me to put on my game face and just do it. So, with one deep breath, I closed my eyes (which isn't all that great for accuracy, but not bad for the initial plunge) and did it. And...it wasn't too awful. OK, my hands were shaking, but I blamed that on the dystonia, even if maybe that wasn't the total cause of the tremors. ;)
And now I've been at it for several weeks now. And it has gotten easier. My hands no longer shake. But the meds I'm on now (the ones that stimulate the ovaries to produce extra eggs) kind of burn going in. And I've got quite the bruised belly. You could get a really cool dot-to-dot picture by connecting all the marks.
And, if all goes as planned, the eggs will be retrieved between the 4th and the 7th, get their petri dish groove on with Aaron's swimmers, and be transferred to Lisa 5 days after that. I'll keep you posted!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Signed, Sealed, Delivered!
Woohoo! Another major hurdle crossed. On Monday Aaron and I made a monster trip down to Portland, down on the 7:30 train, back on the 4:30 train. 7 hours of travel is A LOT in one day, but during our 4 1/2 hours there we accomplished a lot, and if you're going to have to travel 7 hours in one day, the train is TOTALLY the way to go.
The shock-and-awe-commando-raid-zip-i-and-out-before-they-even-know-what-hit-'em trip had two main objections, meet with a midwife at Oregon Health Science University hospital to decide if we wanted to go the midwifery route, and SIGN THE CONTRACT (big dramatic music). Once the contract was signed we were free to keep moving and proceed with the baby-making business.
We began with the trip to OHSU. And, can I just say, Portland has amazing public transportation. From the train station we took lightrail to a stop, hopped on their other streetcar/light rail system, walked about 1/4 mile to a tram, and took the tram to OHSU, all for free! Seattle could learn A LOT from that.
Both Lisa and Liam were able to be at the appointment which was really nice. It was the first time we got to meet them without kiddos in tow, and since we had to wait quite a bit, it was a really great time for us to talk more and get to know each other better. I had scheduled this meeting because I was really nervous about using a nurse-midwife. Maybe its because I work in Pediatric OT and I see a lot of results of "births gone wrong." I admit, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and knowing everything that can go wrong with a birth, or with a baby tends to lead one in the direction of using all the latest medical gizmos and gadgets to try and ensure 100% that nothing can go wrong. And the idea behind midwifery is to let the woman's body do what it knows best. Lisa has used a midwife for both of her children's births. And she has delivered without medication. She and Liam both very much believe in natural childbirth. OHSU has a level IV NICU and pediatric neonatologists, obs, etc in the building 24/7. Using a nurse midwife at the hospital seemed to be a good compromise, if Aaron and I ended up feeling comfortable with it.
During this meeting, I also realized something significant. The vast majority of births go very well, and require no intervention. The midwife said, "I'm a specialist, I specialize in normal pregnancy and birth. The second I feel something isn't quite right, either in a prenatal appt or during the birth, I call for MD assistance." And it occurred to me that, medically speaking, over the last 3 years, very little in my life has gone "right" or "normal". I mean, let's face it, they still can't figure out what is wrong with me! And in this whole baby-making business very little has gone right or natural there either. We've got YFCF21C and all of its parties, a surrogate, a lawyer and so many other people involved. There is nothing up to this point that has been normal or natural. And I had a "Tipiphiney" (a Tiffany-ephiphany) during this meeting. I'm expecting something to go wrong with the IVF. I'm expecting this pregnancy to go wrong or have complications. And truth be told, why shouldn't I? As I said, nothing has gone "right" or been normal. But we're entering a new paradigm here. Lisa has had 2 perfect pregnancies and births. She's had no complications. And although IVF is complicated, there's nothing to indicate that ours will be particularly difficult or wrong.
Awhile ago Aaron was facing some challenges at work. Nuclear medicine was drying up and he was getting very few hours at work. He thought about completely switching careers to something else in healthcare. But after prayer and discussion we remembered something. God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of hope. We don't want to make decisions out of fear, but out of trust and love. I thought of a verse while we were talking to the midwife, John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This is not a decision or process I want to be afraid of. I don't want to spend the next 10-12 months in total fear. That's not what God calls us to do.
So at that moment, as I recognized my fear, I named it, and released it. I talked about it with the midwife, and with all 4 of us ;> who are going to be pregnant, Aaron and I, Lisa and Liam. Lisa said that hearing me say that made her understand a lot more where I was coming from, and understand me. Naming and sharing my concern brought us all closer. And it let us all decide that we want to go with a nurse-midwife.
Of course, Tipiphanies take time, and with all of our conversation and processing we realized we were late for our appointment to sign the contract. Our lawyer is great, so kind and accommodating, and she had agreed to meet us at the train station so that we could sign the contract there and then hop on the train. Now, these contracts are no little thing. 39 pages of legalese defining everything from what happens if Aaron and I die while Lisa is pregnant to how the payments get distributed to how our communication should be during the pregnancy. pagesandpagesandpagesandpagesandpagesandpages. Fortunately, Aaron and I had spent one entire evening going over the contract with a fine tooth comb and sending our corrections to our attorney. So by the time we met with her it was merely a formality of signing the contract. All 39 pages. Initialled. Individually. Half an hour later, writer's cramp setting in, the legal process was completed. We are now good to go!
The shock-and-awe-commando-raid-zip-i-and-out-before-they-even-know-what-hit-'em trip had two main objections, meet with a midwife at Oregon Health Science University hospital to decide if we wanted to go the midwifery route, and SIGN THE CONTRACT (big dramatic music). Once the contract was signed we were free to keep moving and proceed with the baby-making business.
We began with the trip to OHSU. And, can I just say, Portland has amazing public transportation. From the train station we took lightrail to a stop, hopped on their other streetcar/light rail system, walked about 1/4 mile to a tram, and took the tram to OHSU, all for free! Seattle could learn A LOT from that.
Both Lisa and Liam were able to be at the appointment which was really nice. It was the first time we got to meet them without kiddos in tow, and since we had to wait quite a bit, it was a really great time for us to talk more and get to know each other better. I had scheduled this meeting because I was really nervous about using a nurse-midwife. Maybe its because I work in Pediatric OT and I see a lot of results of "births gone wrong." I admit, sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and knowing everything that can go wrong with a birth, or with a baby tends to lead one in the direction of using all the latest medical gizmos and gadgets to try and ensure 100% that nothing can go wrong. And the idea behind midwifery is to let the woman's body do what it knows best. Lisa has used a midwife for both of her children's births. And she has delivered without medication. She and Liam both very much believe in natural childbirth. OHSU has a level IV NICU and pediatric neonatologists, obs, etc in the building 24/7. Using a nurse midwife at the hospital seemed to be a good compromise, if Aaron and I ended up feeling comfortable with it.
During this meeting, I also realized something significant. The vast majority of births go very well, and require no intervention. The midwife said, "I'm a specialist, I specialize in normal pregnancy and birth. The second I feel something isn't quite right, either in a prenatal appt or during the birth, I call for MD assistance." And it occurred to me that, medically speaking, over the last 3 years, very little in my life has gone "right" or "normal". I mean, let's face it, they still can't figure out what is wrong with me! And in this whole baby-making business very little has gone right or natural there either. We've got YFCF21C and all of its parties, a surrogate, a lawyer and so many other people involved. There is nothing up to this point that has been normal or natural. And I had a "Tipiphiney" (a Tiffany-ephiphany) during this meeting. I'm expecting something to go wrong with the IVF. I'm expecting this pregnancy to go wrong or have complications. And truth be told, why shouldn't I? As I said, nothing has gone "right" or been normal. But we're entering a new paradigm here. Lisa has had 2 perfect pregnancies and births. She's had no complications. And although IVF is complicated, there's nothing to indicate that ours will be particularly difficult or wrong.
Awhile ago Aaron was facing some challenges at work. Nuclear medicine was drying up and he was getting very few hours at work. He thought about completely switching careers to something else in healthcare. But after prayer and discussion we remembered something. God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of hope. We don't want to make decisions out of fear, but out of trust and love. I thought of a verse while we were talking to the midwife, John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This is not a decision or process I want to be afraid of. I don't want to spend the next 10-12 months in total fear. That's not what God calls us to do.
So at that moment, as I recognized my fear, I named it, and released it. I talked about it with the midwife, and with all 4 of us ;> who are going to be pregnant, Aaron and I, Lisa and Liam. Lisa said that hearing me say that made her understand a lot more where I was coming from, and understand me. Naming and sharing my concern brought us all closer. And it let us all decide that we want to go with a nurse-midwife.
Of course, Tipiphanies take time, and with all of our conversation and processing we realized we were late for our appointment to sign the contract. Our lawyer is great, so kind and accommodating, and she had agreed to meet us at the train station so that we could sign the contract there and then hop on the train. Now, these contracts are no little thing. 39 pages of legalese defining everything from what happens if Aaron and I die while Lisa is pregnant to how the payments get distributed to how our communication should be during the pregnancy. pagesandpagesandpagesandpagesandpagesandpages. Fortunately, Aaron and I had spent one entire evening going over the contract with a fine tooth comb and sending our corrections to our attorney. So by the time we met with her it was merely a formality of signing the contract. All 39 pages. Initialled. Individually. Half an hour later, writer's cramp setting in, the legal process was completed. We are now good to go!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Quick Update
Been awhile since I've written. Honestly, all of this has just kind of been wearing on me. It's hard work with a lot of people involved. We're now in the contract phase. Our lawyer is drafting the contract. We'll review it, make any changes we want, and then it will be passed off to "Lisa's" lawyer who will review it with her and then either sign it or make changes to it. Until all of that gets in place, not much else will happen.
Aaron and I are making a journey down to Oregon Health Sciences University to meet with the nurse midwives there to make sure we are comfortable using a nurse midwife (which our surrogate would greatly prefer) over a traditional OB. Anyone have any comments on one way or the other?
I promise a very newsy interesting blog entry will follow shortly, but I know folks are wanting the know the state of things so I thought I'd do a quick update.
Aaron and I are making a journey down to Oregon Health Sciences University to meet with the nurse midwives there to make sure we are comfortable using a nurse midwife (which our surrogate would greatly prefer) over a traditional OB. Anyone have any comments on one way or the other?
I promise a very newsy interesting blog entry will follow shortly, but I know folks are wanting the know the state of things so I thought I'd do a quick update.
Makin' Babies in the 21st Century
(My apologies to TLC/Discovery Channel for co-opting their sentiments)
WARNING: The following blog entry contains actual descriptions of medical procedures that may seem incredibly space-age, out there, and, perhaps, disturbing for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
The way the movies would have you believe, babies are created after a night of steamy hot lovemaking. The way most sex-ed classes in high school would have you believe, babies are created in a fit of hormone driven experimentation in which one does not use a condom. And the way most friends would have you believe, babies are created after a couple drinks a whole bottle of wine one evening instead of a half bottle, and someone forgets to take a pill for one day. While all of the above scenarios are true and lovely, I must point out that there is yet another way- the amazing process of fertility drugs, doctors, pipettes and petri dishes! And Aaron and I got to discover all of this in a nearly 3 hour appointment the other day.
I'd like to point out that in all of the above scenarios, baby-making involves two people...that's it. A him and a her. And perhaps Aaron and I were naive in thinking that although we would be doing it slightly differently, our baby-making in the 21st century would still be focus around 2 people, he and I. Answer: Uh, no. Big time no.
We headed for our appointment at Your Fertility Clinic For the 21st Century (YFCF21C)for what we thought was going to be an hour tops, with a consultation from the doctor, and from our nurse coordinator. OK, 2 more people in this fun process. (I'm beginning to feel like perhaps I need to start another blog entry just listing primary characters, like they do in a script). We had gone to YFCF21C for our first appointment where we met with 1 person, the doctor, learned all about IVF, dand we assumed it would be similar. Well, we all know what happens when you ASSUME! We walked out about 3 hours later having met with 8 people and with our heads spinning with information (seriously, it might have looked like the crazy part in the exorcist).
Everything began as planned, with the doctor. We got the report on Aaron's...we'll call them "swimmers". Needless to say, Aaron is quite virile (he puffs up his chest). The number of swimmers, their ability to swim, and their shape are all quite nice, yay Aaron! So we discuss this with the doctor and then it is time for my exam, an ultrasound. And here again, we find that women have the challenging time. In all of this 21st century baby-making, Aaron will spend a bit of time in a comfortable room alone and deliver his "contribution" in about 30 minutes. My part will involve drugs (SHOTS!), anesthesia, and other invasive, lovely procedures, the first of which I was about to undergo. Let's just say they did an ultrasound. And any ultrasound I've ever see they put some gel on a woman's belly and see what's going on beneath the skin. But there is another way to do an ultrasound. Involving using an orifice and a long wand that they actually put a condom over before using it! I never thought I'd see a whole basket of condoms in a fertility clinic, but there is was! Oh boy. Apparently this is the best way to visualize the ovaries. And yes, even ovaries look 10 pounds heavier on TV.
Next was off to the blood draw. And I know I have difficult veins. They're deep, they roll, it takes everyone a bazillion sticks to get blood, etc. etc. etc. And this was no exception. Although there nurse was very kind, after 2 pokes with no success they had to bringing in the big guns, the nurse with the magic touch! But that would take a while so we were shuttled off to embryology and an embryologist who showed us what seemed to be a 1000 slide power point (my eyes started glazing over about the point of the discussion on "day 2") showing us how they go from egg to embryo. They've apparently come a long way with this, rather than just putting everything in a petri dish and letting them mix, mingle and do their speed dating thing to make a match, they can now individually select the best swimmer and put it directly into the egg. It's called ICSI. Holy cow! So now we have to decide if we want that. It does increase the chances of egg fertilization, but I think there's something to be said for letting them all swim around, letting the hardiest of the swimmers meet the acquaintance of the gorgeous egg and get their groove on. IVF seems to get more and more scientific, but I'd also like to leave room for God to help them meet. Granted, God could work through the embryologist to select exactly the match He wants, but I figure there's got to be room for nature somewhere in this sci-fi procedure. We also discussed the number of embryos we'd like to try and create. They'll get a bazillion swimmers and quite a few eggs, however we really don't want "left over" embryos when this is all done. Fortunately, not all the egg retrieved need to be fertilized, it's up to us.
The other thing they do is something called "assisted hatching". Did you know that human embryos at some point have to "hatch" out of their first covering? Yup, I didn't either. Sheesh this is getting complicated! To make matters even more humorous, the embryologist was humorless. Any attempt at humor on my part (I mean, come on, thinking about human eggs hatching is kind of funny!) went totally over this guy's head. Which, considering he's the scientist who will be working with our little guys I supposed having no sense of humor is ok, but it made the 45 minute slide presentation painful, and reminiscent of grad school. ;) So the embryo will be implanted on day 5. And at that point it will be about 100 cells. AND, this is cool, we'll get a picture of it before it is implanted! HA HA! So all of those parents who are so excited about their first ultrasound picture, well, we've got you beat! We'll have a picture of our kiddo at 100 cells! Think about that!
So at this point we're 2 hours into this appointment, my eyes are glazed over after meeting Mr. I-Must-Be-An-Incredible-Scientist-Because-I-Have-No-Sense-Of-Humor and it's time to meet another player at YFCF21C, the IVF nurse. Turns out she'll be the one adjusting my medication and helping me through the creation of the eggs. Did I mention SHOTS? Lots and lots of them. Fortunately after all of my botox treatments every 4 months I've gotten used to shots, but somehow I think Aaron should have to get a shot each day to share in the joy and excitement of the creation of this baby. You know, just so he can be an equal participant. But no, it shall just be me wielding the razor sharp instrument of procreation on a daily basis for a month.
Then it was back to blood draw. As I mentioned above, needles really don't bother me that much. Honestly. HOWEVER, Ms. Nurse-With-The-Magic-Touch shows up. And indeed, technically, she only poked me once. But she did the "Now that I've made one hole I'm just going to move the needle around inside your arm and slide it back and forth until I manage to hit a vein." And while it probably only took 1 minute, it felt like forever. Not fun. At all.
OK, so blood draw is done, we've met everyone and their second and third in commands and it's time to go, right? Nay nay my friend, nay nay. Time to meet with the donor egg coordinator. "What?" you say, "Donor egg coordinator?" Yup. Even though Aaron and I are providing the DNA for this endeavor, because another person is going to be lovingly carrying our kiddo for us, this process is treated as an "egg donation". Interesting, eh? So we find out about all the tests for various things including, but not limited to, every STD on the planet that we'll need to have. So then it's off to schedule physicals for both of us. Oh yes, and counseling. Yup, we have to meet with a counselor who will talk to us about surrogacy and make sure we're fully prepared to participate in this endeavor. Frankly after all of the research we've done, talking to lots and lots of different people, mourning on our own the fact that I can't carry our child, dealing with disappointment over not being able to adopt, and meeting with all the agencies and finally finding a match, I think we've come through remarkably intact. Honestly, I think our marriage is stronger for having gone through this. And if we we going to go nutso I think we'd have already gone there. But another stamp of approval we need to get. So off to schedule the counseling appointment.
And then, finally, 3 hours later, we are done. We trudge to the car, barely remembering what floor we parked on, and sit in the car for about 5 minutes, unmoving, not talking, before we can bring ourselves to engage our brains enough to start the car and go. Yes friends, baby-making in the 21st century has come a loooooooong way from 2 people spending time together after missing a pill, or drinking too much wine, or even deciding to just forgo the birth control and let it happen. And at the end of all this, as crazy as it is, we are incredibly grateful. Let's face it, we would love to do this the traditional way, but that's not the path God has us on. So we'll hang with the crew at YFCF21C, trust them, and create a baby, all 8+ of us.
WARNING: The following blog entry contains actual descriptions of medical procedures that may seem incredibly space-age, out there, and, perhaps, disturbing for some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
The way the movies would have you believe, babies are created after a night of steamy hot lovemaking. The way most sex-ed classes in high school would have you believe, babies are created in a fit of hormone driven experimentation in which one does not use a condom. And the way most friends would have you believe, babies are created after a couple drinks a whole bottle of wine one evening instead of a half bottle, and someone forgets to take a pill for one day. While all of the above scenarios are true and lovely, I must point out that there is yet another way- the amazing process of fertility drugs, doctors, pipettes and petri dishes! And Aaron and I got to discover all of this in a nearly 3 hour appointment the other day.
I'd like to point out that in all of the above scenarios, baby-making involves two people...that's it. A him and a her. And perhaps Aaron and I were naive in thinking that although we would be doing it slightly differently, our baby-making in the 21st century would still be focus around 2 people, he and I. Answer: Uh, no. Big time no.
We headed for our appointment at Your Fertility Clinic For the 21st Century (YFCF21C)for what we thought was going to be an hour tops, with a consultation from the doctor, and from our nurse coordinator. OK, 2 more people in this fun process. (I'm beginning to feel like perhaps I need to start another blog entry just listing primary characters, like they do in a script). We had gone to YFCF21C for our first appointment where we met with 1 person, the doctor, learned all about IVF, dand we assumed it would be similar. Well, we all know what happens when you ASSUME! We walked out about 3 hours later having met with 8 people and with our heads spinning with information (seriously, it might have looked like the crazy part in the exorcist).
Everything began as planned, with the doctor. We got the report on Aaron's...we'll call them "swimmers". Needless to say, Aaron is quite virile (he puffs up his chest). The number of swimmers, their ability to swim, and their shape are all quite nice, yay Aaron! So we discuss this with the doctor and then it is time for my exam, an ultrasound. And here again, we find that women have the challenging time. In all of this 21st century baby-making, Aaron will spend a bit of time in a comfortable room alone and deliver his "contribution" in about 30 minutes. My part will involve drugs (SHOTS!), anesthesia, and other invasive, lovely procedures, the first of which I was about to undergo. Let's just say they did an ultrasound. And any ultrasound I've ever see they put some gel on a woman's belly and see what's going on beneath the skin. But there is another way to do an ultrasound. Involving using an orifice and a long wand that they actually put a condom over before using it! I never thought I'd see a whole basket of condoms in a fertility clinic, but there is was! Oh boy. Apparently this is the best way to visualize the ovaries. And yes, even ovaries look 10 pounds heavier on TV.
Next was off to the blood draw. And I know I have difficult veins. They're deep, they roll, it takes everyone a bazillion sticks to get blood, etc. etc. etc. And this was no exception. Although there nurse was very kind, after 2 pokes with no success they had to bringing in the big guns, the nurse with the magic touch! But that would take a while so we were shuttled off to embryology and an embryologist who showed us what seemed to be a 1000 slide power point (my eyes started glazing over about the point of the discussion on "day 2") showing us how they go from egg to embryo. They've apparently come a long way with this, rather than just putting everything in a petri dish and letting them mix, mingle and do their speed dating thing to make a match, they can now individually select the best swimmer and put it directly into the egg. It's called ICSI. Holy cow! So now we have to decide if we want that. It does increase the chances of egg fertilization, but I think there's something to be said for letting them all swim around, letting the hardiest of the swimmers meet the acquaintance of the gorgeous egg and get their groove on. IVF seems to get more and more scientific, but I'd also like to leave room for God to help them meet. Granted, God could work through the embryologist to select exactly the match He wants, but I figure there's got to be room for nature somewhere in this sci-fi procedure. We also discussed the number of embryos we'd like to try and create. They'll get a bazillion swimmers and quite a few eggs, however we really don't want "left over" embryos when this is all done. Fortunately, not all the egg retrieved need to be fertilized, it's up to us.
The other thing they do is something called "assisted hatching". Did you know that human embryos at some point have to "hatch" out of their first covering? Yup, I didn't either. Sheesh this is getting complicated! To make matters even more humorous, the embryologist was humorless. Any attempt at humor on my part (I mean, come on, thinking about human eggs hatching is kind of funny!) went totally over this guy's head. Which, considering he's the scientist who will be working with our little guys I supposed having no sense of humor is ok, but it made the 45 minute slide presentation painful, and reminiscent of grad school. ;) So the embryo will be implanted on day 5. And at that point it will be about 100 cells. AND, this is cool, we'll get a picture of it before it is implanted! HA HA! So all of those parents who are so excited about their first ultrasound picture, well, we've got you beat! We'll have a picture of our kiddo at 100 cells! Think about that!
So at this point we're 2 hours into this appointment, my eyes are glazed over after meeting Mr. I-Must-Be-An-Incredible-Scientist-Because-I-Have-No-Sense-Of-Humor and it's time to meet another player at YFCF21C, the IVF nurse. Turns out she'll be the one adjusting my medication and helping me through the creation of the eggs. Did I mention SHOTS? Lots and lots of them. Fortunately after all of my botox treatments every 4 months I've gotten used to shots, but somehow I think Aaron should have to get a shot each day to share in the joy and excitement of the creation of this baby. You know, just so he can be an equal participant. But no, it shall just be me wielding the razor sharp instrument of procreation on a daily basis for a month.
Then it was back to blood draw. As I mentioned above, needles really don't bother me that much. Honestly. HOWEVER, Ms. Nurse-With-The-Magic-Touch shows up. And indeed, technically, she only poked me once. But she did the "Now that I've made one hole I'm just going to move the needle around inside your arm and slide it back and forth until I manage to hit a vein." And while it probably only took 1 minute, it felt like forever. Not fun. At all.
OK, so blood draw is done, we've met everyone and their second and third in commands and it's time to go, right? Nay nay my friend, nay nay. Time to meet with the donor egg coordinator. "What?" you say, "Donor egg coordinator?" Yup. Even though Aaron and I are providing the DNA for this endeavor, because another person is going to be lovingly carrying our kiddo for us, this process is treated as an "egg donation". Interesting, eh? So we find out about all the tests for various things including, but not limited to, every STD on the planet that we'll need to have. So then it's off to schedule physicals for both of us. Oh yes, and counseling. Yup, we have to meet with a counselor who will talk to us about surrogacy and make sure we're fully prepared to participate in this endeavor. Frankly after all of the research we've done, talking to lots and lots of different people, mourning on our own the fact that I can't carry our child, dealing with disappointment over not being able to adopt, and meeting with all the agencies and finally finding a match, I think we've come through remarkably intact. Honestly, I think our marriage is stronger for having gone through this. And if we we going to go nutso I think we'd have already gone there. But another stamp of approval we need to get. So off to schedule the counseling appointment.
And then, finally, 3 hours later, we are done. We trudge to the car, barely remembering what floor we parked on, and sit in the car for about 5 minutes, unmoving, not talking, before we can bring ourselves to engage our brains enough to start the car and go. Yes friends, baby-making in the 21st century has come a loooooooong way from 2 people spending time together after missing a pill, or drinking too much wine, or even deciding to just forgo the birth control and let it happen. And at the end of all this, as crazy as it is, we are incredibly grateful. Let's face it, we would love to do this the traditional way, but that's not the path God has us on. So we'll hang with the crew at YFCF21C, trust them, and create a baby, all 8+ of us.
Friday, October 1, 2010
It's a Match!!!!!
WooHoo! Amen! Yipee! Yay! Awesome! Cool! IT'S A MATCH!!!!!! Not that I'm excited or anything.
Traveling down to Portland last weekend was full of anticipation. Would we like them? Would they like us? Most importantly, would she want to carry our baby and would we want her to?
I didn't sleep hardly at all the night before, which is very unusual for me. With the amount of neuro-acting medications I'm on I could probably have fallen asleep during the middle of the The Blitz. But I was up most of the night tossing questions around in my head. And suddenly, when it seemed like I had been asleep for 5 minutes, my alarm was going off and we were headed to Portland on the train. (A little aside here-train travel is THE way to go. It's spacious, relaxing, no fighting traffic, or trying to follow crazy directions. Totally fabulous. But anyhow...) We arrived early, checked into our hotel, and went to meet our surrogate and her husband.
To our surprise, they had brought their children. At first I thought this was a bad thing, I mean, how are you supposed to have a meaningful, adult conversation with a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old sitting at the table? But actually, this ended up to be a blessing. The kids were amazingly well behaved. We were at the restaurant for 3 hours and they only started getting antsy in about the last 1/2 hour. Also, it was quite revealing to see how they interacted with their kiddos. They are amazing parents, and if they are willing to care for and shepard our baby in utero with half the care, love, and discipline that they raise their children then our baby is going to be amazingly blessed. And, conversation wasn't too difficult. Since the kiddos were so young, when we needed to talk about more difficult or intimate matters the conversation was really over their heads.
Almost from the minute we sat down and started chatting we knew this would work. The surro-matchmaker was only at the meeting for about 1/2 an hour before we were off and chatting on our own, and she was out the door. I'll call our surrogate "Lisa." Lisa's main motivation for being a surrogate was watching a friend of hers go through the pain and struggle of infertility. She was at an appointment with the kiddos when she saw something about surrogacy in a magazine. She thought it would be an amazing thing since her pregnancies were all "easy, with little morning sickness and easy births." She kept talking to her husband about it and when he understood that it wouldn't be her egg, but a fetus with no genetic relation he got on board. When she received our application she started reading it out loud to her husband who was wrestling with their 4 yo boy. Finally he said to the kiddo, "Hold on, I have to listen to mommy," because Lisa was so excited and sharing fun details from our application.
And, as it turned out, the difficult details weren't all that difficult to discuss. Both Lisa and her husband (we'll call him "Liam") are dedicated to making this an amazing experience for Aaron and I. At one point Liam was talking to Aaron about how cool it was for him to cut the umbilical cord for both of his kids and that Aaron had to do it. Aaron slightly paled at the idea, but gamely smiled and nodded. For Lisa's first pregnancy Liam was overseas in the military. They talked about how he would call home and she would place the phone on her belly so that Liam could talk to the baby, and that we would have to do that for our baby.
Overall, it was an amazing experience. With the comfort and security and love I felt from them I know that the hand of God reached down and chose this couple for us. I think the cutest part was at the very end, as we were walking out, Liam was carrying their young daughter. Their son was holding his mom's hand and looked up at his mom with a curious glance. Lisa replied, "you can ask him." The little boy walked up to Aaron and asked, "Can I hold you hand?" And with that, he slipped his little hand in Aaron's and the two walked hand in hand from the restaurant to the car. It was the most precious sight. And so our journey together begins.
Traveling down to Portland last weekend was full of anticipation. Would we like them? Would they like us? Most importantly, would she want to carry our baby and would we want her to?
I didn't sleep hardly at all the night before, which is very unusual for me. With the amount of neuro-acting medications I'm on I could probably have fallen asleep during the middle of the The Blitz. But I was up most of the night tossing questions around in my head. And suddenly, when it seemed like I had been asleep for 5 minutes, my alarm was going off and we were headed to Portland on the train. (A little aside here-train travel is THE way to go. It's spacious, relaxing, no fighting traffic, or trying to follow crazy directions. Totally fabulous. But anyhow...) We arrived early, checked into our hotel, and went to meet our surrogate and her husband.
To our surprise, they had brought their children. At first I thought this was a bad thing, I mean, how are you supposed to have a meaningful, adult conversation with a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old sitting at the table? But actually, this ended up to be a blessing. The kids were amazingly well behaved. We were at the restaurant for 3 hours and they only started getting antsy in about the last 1/2 hour. Also, it was quite revealing to see how they interacted with their kiddos. They are amazing parents, and if they are willing to care for and shepard our baby in utero with half the care, love, and discipline that they raise their children then our baby is going to be amazingly blessed. And, conversation wasn't too difficult. Since the kiddos were so young, when we needed to talk about more difficult or intimate matters the conversation was really over their heads.
Almost from the minute we sat down and started chatting we knew this would work. The surro-matchmaker was only at the meeting for about 1/2 an hour before we were off and chatting on our own, and she was out the door. I'll call our surrogate "Lisa." Lisa's main motivation for being a surrogate was watching a friend of hers go through the pain and struggle of infertility. She was at an appointment with the kiddos when she saw something about surrogacy in a magazine. She thought it would be an amazing thing since her pregnancies were all "easy, with little morning sickness and easy births." She kept talking to her husband about it and when he understood that it wouldn't be her egg, but a fetus with no genetic relation he got on board. When she received our application she started reading it out loud to her husband who was wrestling with their 4 yo boy. Finally he said to the kiddo, "Hold on, I have to listen to mommy," because Lisa was so excited and sharing fun details from our application.
And, as it turned out, the difficult details weren't all that difficult to discuss. Both Lisa and her husband (we'll call him "Liam") are dedicated to making this an amazing experience for Aaron and I. At one point Liam was talking to Aaron about how cool it was for him to cut the umbilical cord for both of his kids and that Aaron had to do it. Aaron slightly paled at the idea, but gamely smiled and nodded. For Lisa's first pregnancy Liam was overseas in the military. They talked about how he would call home and she would place the phone on her belly so that Liam could talk to the baby, and that we would have to do that for our baby.
Overall, it was an amazing experience. With the comfort and security and love I felt from them I know that the hand of God reached down and chose this couple for us. I think the cutest part was at the very end, as we were walking out, Liam was carrying their young daughter. Their son was holding his mom's hand and looked up at his mom with a curious glance. Lisa replied, "you can ask him." The little boy walked up to Aaron and asked, "Can I hold you hand?" And with that, he slipped his little hand in Aaron's and the two walked hand in hand from the restaurant to the car. It was the most precious sight. And so our journey together begins.
Friday, September 24, 2010
A leap of faith
OK, I admit it, I'm nervous. I know, those of you who know me well are gasping in surprise. "What?!?! Tiffany nervous about meeting someone?? Can't possibly be!" But it is true, honestly. Why, you ask? Well, we've matched (yay!) and are heading down to Portland tomorrow to meet our potential surrogate and her husband.
This surrogate was the third application presented to us, and things just seem to "fit". Out of respect for her privacy I'm going to give very few details other than to say she's married, has two kiddos, and lives in the Portland area. In our application I shared that I am writing a blog about our experiences with surrogacy, but the last thing I want to do is spread her business all over the internet. I, on the other hand, am currently an open book. :)
So here's the thing, what the heck do you say to the woman who might carry your child for you? "Hi, nice to meet you! So...how well do you plan on taking care of yourself for the next 10 months? Are you trustworthy? Do you have a cervix of steel to hold a baby in place until it's really, truly time? If you sense any sort of teratogen entering your personal space by land or air or in your food will you run screaming in the other direction? Do you like us? Will you make us feel as included as if I were carrying the child myself only I'm not and we live over 3 hours away and instead of spending 24/7 with our child-to-be for 9 months we'll only get to hangout maybe an hour every two weeks or so?" Those questions might send her running as fast as she can in the opposite direction. But really, what do you ask? I mean, picture this: you're having a first date with someone, and in the span of an hour and a half you have to decide if you want to have a baby with this person. Maybe if I had been single until an age where I really felt my biological clock ticking I would have approached dating that way but I never really did that.
Actually, as I've thought about this, worried, wondered, prayed, stressed, whatevered, I've realized that no matter what questions we ask, no matter what our impression of this woman and her husband is, no matter what the medical and psych reports say, no matter how great the surro-matchmaker thinks we'll be together, when the decision needs to be made, ultimately it's a matter of faith. Whether one has a child through traditional means, fertility treatments, adoption, surrogacy, stepparenthood, or any other way there is a moment where one has to pause, take a deep breath, and step into the arms of faith. Faith that this is the right step to make. Faith that having a child is the path one is supposed to follow. Faith that whoever else is involved in the process is as committed as you are. This proverbial leap of faith is something everyone has to take whether religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist, or anything in between. Because nothing is guarenteed. Nothing is for sure. There are so many times when I've been terrified. When I've been angry. When I haven't understood. And yet Aaron and I keep pressing forward, believing in faith that this is right for us.
So I guess that's the bottom line. We're going to meet this couple tomorrow and decide if this is the woman with whom we make that leap of faith. Sure the questions matter, sure the conversation is important and the details we'll talk about, about what kind of relationship we'd like to have and how we'd like to go about this. The chemistry will be key. But, when the decision needs to be made, we'll all hold hands, take a deep breath, and jump off the cliff together, in a leap of faith.
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
This surrogate was the third application presented to us, and things just seem to "fit". Out of respect for her privacy I'm going to give very few details other than to say she's married, has two kiddos, and lives in the Portland area. In our application I shared that I am writing a blog about our experiences with surrogacy, but the last thing I want to do is spread her business all over the internet. I, on the other hand, am currently an open book. :)
So here's the thing, what the heck do you say to the woman who might carry your child for you? "Hi, nice to meet you! So...how well do you plan on taking care of yourself for the next 10 months? Are you trustworthy? Do you have a cervix of steel to hold a baby in place until it's really, truly time? If you sense any sort of teratogen entering your personal space by land or air or in your food will you run screaming in the other direction? Do you like us? Will you make us feel as included as if I were carrying the child myself only I'm not and we live over 3 hours away and instead of spending 24/7 with our child-to-be for 9 months we'll only get to hangout maybe an hour every two weeks or so?" Those questions might send her running as fast as she can in the opposite direction. But really, what do you ask? I mean, picture this: you're having a first date with someone, and in the span of an hour and a half you have to decide if you want to have a baby with this person. Maybe if I had been single until an age where I really felt my biological clock ticking I would have approached dating that way but I never really did that.
Actually, as I've thought about this, worried, wondered, prayed, stressed, whatevered, I've realized that no matter what questions we ask, no matter what our impression of this woman and her husband is, no matter what the medical and psych reports say, no matter how great the surro-matchmaker thinks we'll be together, when the decision needs to be made, ultimately it's a matter of faith. Whether one has a child through traditional means, fertility treatments, adoption, surrogacy, stepparenthood, or any other way there is a moment where one has to pause, take a deep breath, and step into the arms of faith. Faith that this is the right step to make. Faith that having a child is the path one is supposed to follow. Faith that whoever else is involved in the process is as committed as you are. This proverbial leap of faith is something everyone has to take whether religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist, or anything in between. Because nothing is guarenteed. Nothing is for sure. There are so many times when I've been terrified. When I've been angry. When I haven't understood. And yet Aaron and I keep pressing forward, believing in faith that this is right for us.
So I guess that's the bottom line. We're going to meet this couple tomorrow and decide if this is the woman with whom we make that leap of faith. Sure the questions matter, sure the conversation is important and the details we'll talk about, about what kind of relationship we'd like to have and how we'd like to go about this. The chemistry will be key. But, when the decision needs to be made, we'll all hold hands, take a deep breath, and jump off the cliff together, in a leap of faith.
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Strike Two...
For those of you who follow baseball you'll understand the analogy. For those of you who don't, just read the wrap up. To continue with the baseball from the previous post, the catcher pointed to the first base umpire to make the call on what the homeplate umpire said was a ball, the homeplate umpire deferred, and the first base umpire ruled it a strike.
Now for your non-baseball fans, what had been our "ball" (the second surrogate applicant who might work) is now a strike. We got the medical report, and the doctor who did the report feels that the surrogate is too heavy to be a good surrogate. If she loses weight she'll qualify, but he's recommending a significant amount of weight, so we're not looking at any time in the next couple months. Sigh. So, we've got our third application that we should be receiving on Monday or so. If you are the type, please pray that this is the match for us! If you are not the praying type, if you could please conjure up good thoughts, karma or whatever you believe it, we would really appreciate it.
I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged. We were supposed to have a meeting on Wednesday with the IVF clinic to go over the details of our IVF procedure, however it had to be cancelled and can't be rescheduled until the 22nd. And we've now had 2 surrogates we've rejected. I don't feel bad about rejecting the surrogates, I mean, if we're going to be choosing someone to carry our baby I really want the right fit (think 2010 Rav 4, not a 1995 Echo), but I am discouraged in how long this is taking. I know you all have been reading this since maybe July, but for Aaron and I we're about 2 years into this process between looking into me carrying, then adoption, then surrogacy. I just want everything to fall into place. What if this third applicant isn't a right fit either? The waiting weighs on you after awhile and I'm starting to feel discouraged and tired. Maybe it's just because I worked a 10 hour shift at work. I'm sure things will look brighter in the morning. I just thought once we signed with an agency things would move a lot faster.
Now for your non-baseball fans, what had been our "ball" (the second surrogate applicant who might work) is now a strike. We got the medical report, and the doctor who did the report feels that the surrogate is too heavy to be a good surrogate. If she loses weight she'll qualify, but he's recommending a significant amount of weight, so we're not looking at any time in the next couple months. Sigh. So, we've got our third application that we should be receiving on Monday or so. If you are the type, please pray that this is the match for us! If you are not the praying type, if you could please conjure up good thoughts, karma or whatever you believe it, we would really appreciate it.
I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged. We were supposed to have a meeting on Wednesday with the IVF clinic to go over the details of our IVF procedure, however it had to be cancelled and can't be rescheduled until the 22nd. And we've now had 2 surrogates we've rejected. I don't feel bad about rejecting the surrogates, I mean, if we're going to be choosing someone to carry our baby I really want the right fit (think 2010 Rav 4, not a 1995 Echo), but I am discouraged in how long this is taking. I know you all have been reading this since maybe July, but for Aaron and I we're about 2 years into this process between looking into me carrying, then adoption, then surrogacy. I just want everything to fall into place. What if this third applicant isn't a right fit either? The waiting weighs on you after awhile and I'm starting to feel discouraged and tired. Maybe it's just because I worked a 10 hour shift at work. I'm sure things will look brighter in the morning. I just thought once we signed with an agency things would move a lot faster.
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