Friday, September 24, 2010

A leap of faith

OK, I admit it, I'm nervous. I know, those of you who know me well are gasping in surprise. "What?!?! Tiffany nervous about meeting someone?? Can't possibly be!" But it is true, honestly. Why, you ask? Well, we've matched (yay!) and are heading down to Portland tomorrow to meet our potential surrogate and her husband.

This surrogate was the third application presented to us, and things just seem to "fit". Out of respect for her privacy I'm going to give very few details other than to say she's married, has two kiddos, and lives in the Portland area. In our application I shared that I am writing a blog about our experiences with surrogacy, but the last thing I want to do is spread her business all over the internet. I, on the other hand, am currently an open book. :)

So here's the thing, what the heck do you say to the woman who might carry your child for you? "Hi, nice to meet you! well do you plan on taking care of yourself for the next 10 months? Are you trustworthy? Do you have a cervix of steel to hold a baby in place until it's really, truly time? If you sense any sort of teratogen entering your personal space by land or air or in your food will you run screaming in the other direction? Do you like us? Will you make us feel as included as if I were carrying the child myself only I'm not and we live over 3 hours away and instead of spending 24/7 with our child-to-be for 9 months we'll only get to hangout maybe an hour every two weeks or so?" Those questions might send her running as fast as she can in the opposite direction. But really, what do you ask? I mean, picture this: you're having a first date with someone, and in the span of an hour and a half you have to decide if you want to have a baby with this person. Maybe if I had been single until an age where I really felt my biological clock ticking I would have approached dating that way but I never really did that.

Actually, as I've thought about this, worried, wondered, prayed, stressed, whatevered, I've realized that no matter what questions we ask, no matter what our impression of this woman and her husband is, no matter what the medical and psych reports say, no matter how great the surro-matchmaker thinks we'll be together, when the decision needs to be made, ultimately it's a matter of faith. Whether one has a child through traditional means, fertility treatments, adoption, surrogacy, stepparenthood, or any other way there is a moment where one has to pause, take a deep breath, and step into the arms of faith. Faith that this is the right step to make. Faith that having a child is the path one is supposed to follow. Faith that whoever else is involved in the process is as committed as you are. This proverbial leap of faith is something everyone has to take whether religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist, or anything in between. Because nothing is guarenteed. Nothing is for sure. There are so many times when I've been terrified. When I've been angry. When I haven't understood. And yet Aaron and I keep pressing forward, believing in faith that this is right for us.

So I guess that's the bottom line. We're going to meet this couple tomorrow and decide if this is the woman with whom we make that leap of faith. Sure the questions matter, sure the conversation is important and the details we'll talk about, about what kind of relationship we'd like to have and how we'd like to go about this. The chemistry will be key. But, when the decision needs to be made, we'll all hold hands, take a deep breath, and jump off the cliff together, in a leap of faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

1 comment:

  1. This is exactly how I felt. You can never really know what you're doing in life when it comes to big decisions like this. When I have been stressed out with big decisions my mom has said to me "You make the best decision you can with the information you have at that moment." You can't spend your life wondering "what if..." because you'll never move forward. So good luck with your decision and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll get there eventually.