Making her grand debut fashionably late (4 days), Amelia Faith Yokoyama Keeney. Amelia because we like it, and there are so many fun nicknames for it, Faith for the faith required on this journey, Yokoyama for my Grandmother and her 3 sisters, and Keeney because Aaron insisted on it (I tried to go for Speeney, but I was outvoted ;>) and Sparks-Keeney, in addition to 2 middle names, would have been way to many bubbles for her to have to try and fill in every time she took a standardized test.
Mia was born at 6:25 pm on 12/6/11, weighing in at 8 lbs, 1 oz, and 20 1/1". Unfortunately, due to "Lisa" having a "negative" blood type, and Mia having a "positive" blood type (A+ in fact. Ha! She's already starting off as an A+ student!), she has what they call Rh related jaundice. It's beginning to clear up, but she's going to be in the hospital for a few days, comfortably sun tanning under bililights.
The story of her birth is amazing and I can't wait to write about it, however since I'm now going on 30 hours without sleep I'm going to wait until I can type an intelligible sentence!
Welcome to the world little one!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A Love Letter to my Daughter
It has been said, "There are two lasting bequeaths we can give our children, one is roots, the other this wings." -Unknown
Here then, is something to fertilize her roots. May she always plant her feet in rich soil!
Welcome to the world little one....
You are the first born daughter, of the first of two daughters, who was born to an only daughter, who was born the the second of four daughters, who was born to the second of four daughters. You are the fifth generation in an unbroken line of powerful, wonderful, adventerous women. May the stories of your ancestors encourage you and strengthen you.
You are the great, great granddaughter of a man who ventured across the sea to seek his fortune as a laborer in a foregin land only returning to his nation of birth to marry, and then returned to his adopted nation for the remainder of his life.
You are the great, great granddaughter of woman who completed two years of college before the year 1900 and then journeyed across the vast Pacific Ocean, with a man whom she only met the day of their wedding, to a country whose language she didn't speak. In this land she would raise four daughters.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who grew up nisei, born to parents from Japan, but American by birthright. This woman's country of birth, the only country she ever knew, would imprison her and her relatives during World War II for the "safety of the nation." When she and her husband left internment to farm for the government, she would cook extra food at lunchtime to feed the farm hands provided by the government, German POWs, believing that the meager rations the government provided the workers were not nearly enough.
You are the great grandaughter of a "country boy" who asked the "city girl" to marry him once a year, for 5 years, until she finally agreed. This country boy wished to leave internment so much that he agreed to move inland and farm for the government. The country boy learned the trade so well that when the war was over, he continued to farm, eventually becoming very successful. More than that, he shared his success with his community, allowing the community to buy stock in "Pronto Produce" that increased in value so much that many in the small town were able to send their children to college on that stock. This country boy believed passionately in education and was so generous in his contributions to the local community college that the campus conference center was eventually named after him.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman whose ancestory hailed from the Great Smokey Mountains, but raised her two children on an indian reservation in eastern Washington. Though impoverished, this woman invested love in her children and stretched a dollar far enough so that their bellies never went empty.
You are the great graddaughter of a man who spent a lifetime working the coal mines in eastern Washington. Although this man engaged in hard labor during the day, he loved to take his wife to the grange for weekly dances where he would sweep her into his arms, grasp her dainty hands in his rough, calloused palms and spin her 'round and 'round.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who raised 8 children on her own, and then went on to assist and help raise their children when needed. This woman would learn computers very early on and go on to head a computer department at a community college well into her 80s.
You are the great granddaughter of a man who fought for the allies during World War II, hopping from island to island in the pacific arena, setting up radio towers as the US pushed forward. This man would go on to be known for the quirky inventions he created the rest of his life.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who who met her husband while working as a cigarette girl at the Officers' Club in Spokane. This woman was known for making friends out of anyone, and her generosity towards those friends and her family. Christmases at her house were always a special occassion.
You are the granddaughter of a woman who was born while the government imprisoned all people of her ancestory on the West Coast and lived, as a baby, on a dirt floor. This woman became a teacher and could silence a class of 8th grader with just one look, which later also proved to be effective for motherhood. This woman is a connector of people; at your baby shower she had a friend she had known since 4th gradee, a friend from her freshman year in college, and many friend whom she had known for 30 years.
You are the granddaughter of a woman who met the man she married by asking coyly from the shore of a lake, "How's the water?" as he stood chest deep. This woman raised 3 boys while facing challenges in her own life. She overcame these challenges with bravery and tenacity, and discovered her amazing gift with dogs.
You are the granddaughter of a man who grew up on an indian reservation and was the only white child in his grade school. This man claims the didn't even really realize he was different for many years and wondered "why, when played cowboys and indians always had to be a cowboy." This man overcame an incredibly impoverished childhood to earn scholarships for college, becoming the first in his family to receive a college degree. He then went on for several more degrees. His compassion, kindness and love of family shines in all he does.
You are the granddaughter of a man who grew up as one of eight children, to a single mom. This man worked hard to support his family and became a skilled technitian. This man adores his current granddaughter and will adore you too.
You are the daughter of a man who became the first in his family to go to college. This kind man then went on to spend a year with little pay, working with the homeless in Los Angeles. His playful spirit, brilliant mind, and devotion to his family will make him an amazing father to you.
You are the daughter of a woman who danced at the happiest place on earth and across the ocean. This woman is known for bursting into joyful song at random moments, and drawing children and animals to her with just a smile.
Most of all, you are a daughter of the Lord God, who sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for you. When none of your relatives can be near you, His loving spirit will be with you always. May His presence, and the stories of the generations before you, give you strength when you feel weak, courage when you feel afraid, the spirit of boldness when you feel timid, and a blanket of love when you feel alone.
Here then, is something to fertilize her roots. May she always plant her feet in rich soil!
Welcome to the world little one....
You are the first born daughter, of the first of two daughters, who was born to an only daughter, who was born the the second of four daughters, who was born to the second of four daughters. You are the fifth generation in an unbroken line of powerful, wonderful, adventerous women. May the stories of your ancestors encourage you and strengthen you.
You are the great, great granddaughter of a man who ventured across the sea to seek his fortune as a laborer in a foregin land only returning to his nation of birth to marry, and then returned to his adopted nation for the remainder of his life.
You are the great, great granddaughter of woman who completed two years of college before the year 1900 and then journeyed across the vast Pacific Ocean, with a man whom she only met the day of their wedding, to a country whose language she didn't speak. In this land she would raise four daughters.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who grew up nisei, born to parents from Japan, but American by birthright. This woman's country of birth, the only country she ever knew, would imprison her and her relatives during World War II for the "safety of the nation." When she and her husband left internment to farm for the government, she would cook extra food at lunchtime to feed the farm hands provided by the government, German POWs, believing that the meager rations the government provided the workers were not nearly enough.
You are the great grandaughter of a "country boy" who asked the "city girl" to marry him once a year, for 5 years, until she finally agreed. This country boy wished to leave internment so much that he agreed to move inland and farm for the government. The country boy learned the trade so well that when the war was over, he continued to farm, eventually becoming very successful. More than that, he shared his success with his community, allowing the community to buy stock in "Pronto Produce" that increased in value so much that many in the small town were able to send their children to college on that stock. This country boy believed passionately in education and was so generous in his contributions to the local community college that the campus conference center was eventually named after him.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman whose ancestory hailed from the Great Smokey Mountains, but raised her two children on an indian reservation in eastern Washington. Though impoverished, this woman invested love in her children and stretched a dollar far enough so that their bellies never went empty.
You are the great graddaughter of a man who spent a lifetime working the coal mines in eastern Washington. Although this man engaged in hard labor during the day, he loved to take his wife to the grange for weekly dances where he would sweep her into his arms, grasp her dainty hands in his rough, calloused palms and spin her 'round and 'round.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who raised 8 children on her own, and then went on to assist and help raise their children when needed. This woman would learn computers very early on and go on to head a computer department at a community college well into her 80s.
You are the great granddaughter of a man who fought for the allies during World War II, hopping from island to island in the pacific arena, setting up radio towers as the US pushed forward. This man would go on to be known for the quirky inventions he created the rest of his life.
You are the great granddaughter of a woman who who met her husband while working as a cigarette girl at the Officers' Club in Spokane. This woman was known for making friends out of anyone, and her generosity towards those friends and her family. Christmases at her house were always a special occassion.
You are the granddaughter of a woman who was born while the government imprisoned all people of her ancestory on the West Coast and lived, as a baby, on a dirt floor. This woman became a teacher and could silence a class of 8th grader with just one look, which later also proved to be effective for motherhood. This woman is a connector of people; at your baby shower she had a friend she had known since 4th gradee, a friend from her freshman year in college, and many friend whom she had known for 30 years.
You are the granddaughter of a woman who met the man she married by asking coyly from the shore of a lake, "How's the water?" as he stood chest deep. This woman raised 3 boys while facing challenges in her own life. She overcame these challenges with bravery and tenacity, and discovered her amazing gift with dogs.
You are the granddaughter of a man who grew up on an indian reservation and was the only white child in his grade school. This man claims the didn't even really realize he was different for many years and wondered "why, when
You are the granddaughter of a man who grew up as one of eight children, to a single mom. This man worked hard to support his family and became a skilled technitian. This man adores his current granddaughter and will adore you too.
You are the daughter of a man who became the first in his family to go to college. This kind man then went on to spend a year with little pay, working with the homeless in Los Angeles. His playful spirit, brilliant mind, and devotion to his family will make him an amazing father to you.
You are the daughter of a woman who danced at the happiest place on earth and across the ocean. This woman is known for bursting into joyful song at random moments, and drawing children and animals to her with just a smile.
Most of all, you are a daughter of the Lord God, who sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for you. When none of your relatives can be near you, His loving spirit will be with you always. May His presence, and the stories of the generations before you, give you strength when you feel weak, courage when you feel afraid, the spirit of boldness when you feel timid, and a blanket of love when you feel alone.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
No News is Good News
I know it's been quite some time since I've blogged. Aaron and I have been traveling frequently this month and with the end of the semester I've had a lot of papers to grade and tests to score. Wanted to let everyone know our little girl is happy and healthy. At this point, as we get closer to the date, finding time to blog and chase down all my thoughts is getting increasingly difficult. However, I know people tend to get a bit worried without an update every now and then. Thus, so no one worries, I'm letting you all know I'm going to take a break from blogging for right now. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to it before she is born, but in the meantime, I'll be sending out e-mail updates. If you'd like to continue to receive e-mail updates, drop me an e-mail and I'll include you on short e-mails. :)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Ergonomics of Baby Care
As all of you know, we're doing surrogacy because of my medical issues. And once the pregnancy got started, my medical challenges went on the back burner since I'm pretty stable. Yet now, as we're working on getting baby supplies and furniture and the like, challenges are starting to appear again. Not challenges with my body, mind you, but challenges with the world.
After our first foray into the world of baby gear, we've had a chance to catch our breath, regroup from the shock, and head out again. And the things I've found are pretty surprising.
It's actually fascinating to me, as I've begun to explore this, how few options there are for baby equipment and furniture for for parents with disabilities. I mean, I'm an Occupational Therapist. I should know how to find adaptive equipment and things to help people with differences in their daily activities, and, frankly, in some situations I'm stumped! I've searched internet sites for hours on end, and I'm really surprised that no company out there has designed products with accessibility in mind.
For me, a big challenge is weight. My spasticity and dystonia is triggered by weight. Now, there's not much I can do about the weight of our kiddo. Hopefully, as our daughter grows, so will my work capacity! But I am quite surprised at the weight of baby items out there, particularly car seats and strollers. Now, obviously car seats need to be structurally sound to keep a baby safe. Frankly, I'd use one made out of steel if it was the safest! But, one of the items that's quite popular today is the "travel system" type car seat and stroller. The idea is that you can leave the base of the car seat in your car, unhook the "seat part" of the car seat that the baby is sitting in, and place it in your stroller. It's a great idea, however, I believe one pays for the convenience with their bodies!
The car seat parts we've looked at, that come out of the base, weight between about 7.5 pounds up to 12 pounds. That doesn't seem too heavy, but then imagine automatically doubling the weight of them by placing a baby in the seat- and that's when the baby is small! If it were a weight, like a box or something, that people just picked up off the floor and put in a car trunk that might not be too bad. But have you seen the designs of baby carriers? They aren't simply "not ergonomic," they're a major health hazard to anyone who has to carry a child in one, whether the person has a physical challenge or not! There should be a warning labels- "Like your back? Enjoy using your hands? Then Flee from this product!" The handles are awkward and put strain on your wrists and there's no way the weight be centered against your body without carrying it sideways, potentially tossing the child out, which although designed restrain a child, I'm not about to test this. Thus every parent you see who carries one of these with a child in it is either hoisting it with both hands and leaning backwards so that their lumbar spines cry out for help, or holding it away from their bodies so that their arms and wrists beg for mercy. And while it may be difficult to put a baby in a car seat, babies and children are at least bendy and can be positioned to put the least amount of stress on a parent's body when being placed in a car seat. These convertible car carrier/seat things, however, are not bendy (which, as mentioned above, they shouldn't be) but the lack of pliability means that the parent needs to bend his or her body like a vehicular contortionist to place the seat in the base appropriately, particularly if it is placed in the center of the back seats, the safest place for it to be located. I challenge you, if you'd like to see bad body mechanics in action (and a bit of comedy!) pause the next time you are at a shopping mall and watch a mother or father attempt the famed "Single Armed, 45 degree, Baby Carrier Lift, with a Twist." It's a maneuver guaranteed to get at least a 8.5 from the Russian Judge. To get a perfect 10 watch for the same manuaver while adding in the daring "Trying to Corral the 3 year old Sibling and Prevent Him or Her From Running Out Into Traffic and Certain Death" element.
So all of my OT friends out there, I challenge you to find, design or adapt the baby products on the market. And if that doesn't work, I guess I'll just have to find them myself and open my own store.
After our first foray into the world of baby gear, we've had a chance to catch our breath, regroup from the shock, and head out again. And the things I've found are pretty surprising.
It's actually fascinating to me, as I've begun to explore this, how few options there are for baby equipment and furniture for for parents with disabilities. I mean, I'm an Occupational Therapist. I should know how to find adaptive equipment and things to help people with differences in their daily activities, and, frankly, in some situations I'm stumped! I've searched internet sites for hours on end, and I'm really surprised that no company out there has designed products with accessibility in mind.
For me, a big challenge is weight. My spasticity and dystonia is triggered by weight. Now, there's not much I can do about the weight of our kiddo. Hopefully, as our daughter grows, so will my work capacity! But I am quite surprised at the weight of baby items out there, particularly car seats and strollers. Now, obviously car seats need to be structurally sound to keep a baby safe. Frankly, I'd use one made out of steel if it was the safest! But, one of the items that's quite popular today is the "travel system" type car seat and stroller. The idea is that you can leave the base of the car seat in your car, unhook the "seat part" of the car seat that the baby is sitting in, and place it in your stroller. It's a great idea, however, I believe one pays for the convenience with their bodies!
The car seat parts we've looked at, that come out of the base, weight between about 7.5 pounds up to 12 pounds. That doesn't seem too heavy, but then imagine automatically doubling the weight of them by placing a baby in the seat- and that's when the baby is small! If it were a weight, like a box or something, that people just picked up off the floor and put in a car trunk that might not be too bad. But have you seen the designs of baby carriers? They aren't simply "not ergonomic," they're a major health hazard to anyone who has to carry a child in one, whether the person has a physical challenge or not! There should be a warning labels- "Like your back? Enjoy using your hands? Then Flee from this product!" The handles are awkward and put strain on your wrists and there's no way the weight be centered against your body without carrying it sideways, potentially tossing the child out, which although designed restrain a child, I'm not about to test this. Thus every parent you see who carries one of these with a child in it is either hoisting it with both hands and leaning backwards so that their lumbar spines cry out for help, or holding it away from their bodies so that their arms and wrists beg for mercy. And while it may be difficult to put a baby in a car seat, babies and children are at least bendy and can be positioned to put the least amount of stress on a parent's body when being placed in a car seat. These convertible car carrier/seat things, however, are not bendy (which, as mentioned above, they shouldn't be) but the lack of pliability means that the parent needs to bend his or her body like a vehicular contortionist to place the seat in the base appropriately, particularly if it is placed in the center of the back seats, the safest place for it to be located. I challenge you, if you'd like to see bad body mechanics in action (and a bit of comedy!) pause the next time you are at a shopping mall and watch a mother or father attempt the famed "Single Armed, 45 degree, Baby Carrier Lift, with a Twist." It's a maneuver guaranteed to get at least a 8.5 from the Russian Judge. To get a perfect 10 watch for the same manuaver while adding in the daring "Trying to Corral the 3 year old Sibling and Prevent Him or Her From Running Out Into Traffic and Certain Death" element.
So all of my OT friends out there, I challenge you to find, design or adapt the baby products on the market. And if that doesn't work, I guess I'll just have to find them myself and open my own store.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Who's on first? What's on second?
There's an old Abbott and Costello routine in which Abbott is talking about players on his baseball team, and Costello is having a hard time understanding him:
Costello: Look Abbott, if you’re the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: Right, certainly do.
Costello: Well, I never met the guys, so you’ll have to tell me their names, and
then I’ll know who’s playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know strange as it may seem, they
give these ball players now a days, very peculiar names.
Abbott: Well let’s see, we have on the bags, we have Who’s on first, What’s on
second, and I Don’t Know is on third.
Costello: That’s what I want to find out.
This goes on for quite some time, because the joke is that the name of the guy on first is "Who," the name of the guy on second is "What," and the name of the guy on third is "I don't know."
Much funnier to see/hear than read:
Here's a link on YouTube
I'm often reminded of this when we go to doctor's appointments with our surrogate. (As a tangent, those rooms are designed for 2-3 people, pregnant person, partner, and midwife or doctor. Imagine cramming our motley crew of 5 in one of them!) Our midwifery service has 9 midwives, so thus far we often have a new midwife. Imagine being the midwife walking into a situation with 2 women, 1 of whom is pregnant, and 2 men in the room. You can see the gears turning in their heads before they read the chart notes. They're trying to be polite, not ask outright, but I can see it cross their faces: Who's the mother? Which is the father? I don't know...oh, she's in the womb!
This got very tricky with something they call the "quad screen," which asks for all sorts of genetic information about the mother and father. But of course, in our case, this isn't the woman who is pregnant's genetic information, but our information. It's a good thing I was sitting next to the surrogate to help her out as she was filling out the paperwork as it is asking things like, "Is there a history of neural tube defects on the mother's side of the family? On the father's side?" and "Are their any genetic conditions on the mother's side of the family? On the father's side?" Naturally the paperwork assumes that the person who is pregnant is the mother. At one point I was glad I asked a question, "How is the risk factor for Down Syndrome and neural tube defects calculated from the information you collect?" Our midwife explained that it was based on the level of various proteins in the mother's blood (ummmm, hold on, no one took my blood, they took "Lisa's" blood), the results of the ultrasound, and the mother's age. Ok, time to do some sorting out. Is it the protein's the the person who's pregnant's blood, or the genetic mother? Turns out it's the person who is pregnant. OK then, is it the age of the person who is pregnant, or the age of the egg. Turns out it's the age of the egg. But there's no way in their computer system to explain that the age of the egg is different than the age of the person who is pregnant since it is assumed that the egg is the same age as the person who is pregnant. So calls were made to the lab and numbers recalculated. It didn't change much, but it reminds me that we can't take for granted that people who work with us in the hospital know our situation, and have taken that into account for every test. We have to think through every step to see if there's something that needs to be clarified.
Pretty soon we need to meet with our attorney to file a "judgement pro tem" explaining to the hospital and everyone who would possibly care that when the baby is born is is our child, not "Lisa's". Of course, from day 1, we've known this, and Lisa and "Linus" have known this, but the powers that be at the hospital don't legally know this, although by now our midwifery team does. We've got to have that piece of paper for when the child is born because otherwise the hospital assumes that the woman who gives birth to the child is the child's "mother," will make all decisions for the child, and will have the child go home with her. In our case, that's not true, but that's what the hospital will legally assume. And we all know what happens when you "ASSUME" something! ;)
This also changes rooming arrangements. Lisa can leave the hospital perhaps as early as 6 hours after the delivery, but particularly because we're going to be traveling to Seattle after the baby is born, the baby will stay a day or two. Which means that we'll have a postpartum room for the baby, even though I'm not postpartum. They usually keep the woman who has given birth and the baby in the labor and delivery room for about 2 hours and then go to the postpartum floor. In our case we may get 2 postpartum rooms, or they may keep Lisa in L&D a little bit longer and she can be discharged from there.
And, of course, the wonderful bureaucracy known as insurance is sure to be utterly stumped since they can't even seem to bill a standard primary care physician's visit correctly. Up until now, Lisa's insurance has covered the pregnancy, and will cover the delivery expenses and her care after delivery. But when the baby is born everything that she needs will be transferred to our insurance. Usually not a problem because the insurance company has seen all of the pregnancy bills and the delivery bills and it sorts itself out a week or so later when the baby gets her own insurance card. But what happens when we aren't even in the hospital's database system with our insurance information???
No matter how much prior preparation and planning we do, I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of things I haven't even thought of yet. And I'm the mother...but I'm not the pregnant person...but the egg is the same age as me...but the blood proteins are found in Lisa's blood....and now I'm totally confused. Oh yes:
Who's the mother. Which is the father. I don't know, she's in the womb.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you’re the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: Right, certainly do.
Costello: Well, I never met the guys, so you’ll have to tell me their names, and
then I’ll know who’s playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know strange as it may seem, they
give these ball players now a days, very peculiar names.
Abbott: Well let’s see, we have on the bags, we have Who’s on first, What’s on
second, and I Don’t Know is on third.
Costello: That’s what I want to find out.
This goes on for quite some time, because the joke is that the name of the guy on first is "Who," the name of the guy on second is "What," and the name of the guy on third is "I don't know."
Much funnier to see/hear than read:
Here's a link on YouTube
I'm often reminded of this when we go to doctor's appointments with our surrogate. (As a tangent, those rooms are designed for 2-3 people, pregnant person, partner, and midwife or doctor. Imagine cramming our motley crew of 5 in one of them!) Our midwifery service has 9 midwives, so thus far we often have a new midwife. Imagine being the midwife walking into a situation with 2 women, 1 of whom is pregnant, and 2 men in the room. You can see the gears turning in their heads before they read the chart notes. They're trying to be polite, not ask outright, but I can see it cross their faces: Who's the mother? Which is the father? I don't know...oh, she's in the womb!
This got very tricky with something they call the "quad screen," which asks for all sorts of genetic information about the mother and father. But of course, in our case, this isn't the woman who is pregnant's genetic information, but our information. It's a good thing I was sitting next to the surrogate to help her out as she was filling out the paperwork as it is asking things like, "Is there a history of neural tube defects on the mother's side of the family? On the father's side?" and "Are their any genetic conditions on the mother's side of the family? On the father's side?" Naturally the paperwork assumes that the person who is pregnant is the mother. At one point I was glad I asked a question, "How is the risk factor for Down Syndrome and neural tube defects calculated from the information you collect?" Our midwife explained that it was based on the level of various proteins in the mother's blood (ummmm, hold on, no one took my blood, they took "Lisa's" blood), the results of the ultrasound, and the mother's age. Ok, time to do some sorting out. Is it the protein's the the person who's pregnant's blood, or the genetic mother? Turns out it's the person who is pregnant. OK then, is it the age of the person who is pregnant, or the age of the egg. Turns out it's the age of the egg. But there's no way in their computer system to explain that the age of the egg is different than the age of the person who is pregnant since it is assumed that the egg is the same age as the person who is pregnant. So calls were made to the lab and numbers recalculated. It didn't change much, but it reminds me that we can't take for granted that people who work with us in the hospital know our situation, and have taken that into account for every test. We have to think through every step to see if there's something that needs to be clarified.
Pretty soon we need to meet with our attorney to file a "judgement pro tem" explaining to the hospital and everyone who would possibly care that when the baby is born is is our child, not "Lisa's". Of course, from day 1, we've known this, and Lisa and "Linus" have known this, but the powers that be at the hospital don't legally know this, although by now our midwifery team does. We've got to have that piece of paper for when the child is born because otherwise the hospital assumes that the woman who gives birth to the child is the child's "mother," will make all decisions for the child, and will have the child go home with her. In our case, that's not true, but that's what the hospital will legally assume. And we all know what happens when you "ASSUME" something! ;)
This also changes rooming arrangements. Lisa can leave the hospital perhaps as early as 6 hours after the delivery, but particularly because we're going to be traveling to Seattle after the baby is born, the baby will stay a day or two. Which means that we'll have a postpartum room for the baby, even though I'm not postpartum. They usually keep the woman who has given birth and the baby in the labor and delivery room for about 2 hours and then go to the postpartum floor. In our case we may get 2 postpartum rooms, or they may keep Lisa in L&D a little bit longer and she can be discharged from there.
And, of course, the wonderful bureaucracy known as insurance is sure to be utterly stumped since they can't even seem to bill a standard primary care physician's visit correctly. Up until now, Lisa's insurance has covered the pregnancy, and will cover the delivery expenses and her care after delivery. But when the baby is born everything that she needs will be transferred to our insurance. Usually not a problem because the insurance company has seen all of the pregnancy bills and the delivery bills and it sorts itself out a week or so later when the baby gets her own insurance card. But what happens when we aren't even in the hospital's database system with our insurance information???
No matter how much prior preparation and planning we do, I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of things I haven't even thought of yet. And I'm the mother...but I'm not the pregnant person...but the egg is the same age as me...but the blood proteins are found in Lisa's blood....and now I'm totally confused. Oh yes:
Who's the mother. Which is the father. I don't know, she's in the womb.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The verdict is in.....
And it seems that I will have a lot more time to mull over gender roles and the shaping of gender identity and expectations by cultural influences because we are going to have....a girl!
The ultrasound was just beautiful. It's so intricate. The details of the anatomy: the perfect spinal column, all 4 chambers of the heart working with the valves, the individual metacarpals, metatarsals and phalanges. The mouth opening and closing as if to say, "Hi! Here I am!". The little hand waving back and forth and opening and closing. Truly amazing.
I, personally, am thrilled. My daughter comes from an amazing heritage of brave, strong, intelligent women, particularly on my maternal side. Her great-great grandmother, the second daughter of four daughters born to the mayor of her village in Japan, sailed across the pacific ocean at the turn of the 20th century to become a picture bride to a man she'd never met. Her great grandmother, also the second of four sisters, left an American internment camp with her husband, during world war II, to farm for the government that imprisoned them. While her husband oversaw German POWs working in his fields, this woman cooked extra food at lunch so that all would have enough to eat. Her grandmother broke the color line for her sorority nationally, and went on to break the color line in a school district in the Midwest as an English teacher. And then there's me, her mother, who has had all sorts of adventures. Aaron said he knew it was a girl from the minute he found out that the baby was kicking the surrogate when she was in a position the baby didn't like. It's not a Yokoyama-woman trait to sit on the sidelines. ;)
Now I really feel as if the pressure is on to get ready. The baby's room, until now, has been the room in our house that we toss stuff into when we're not sure what to do with it. And, to be completely transparent, it's mostly my stuff! So the rest of the day will be spent cleaning that room out.
Aaron and I have been holding off on name discussions until now. We quickly realized we had some strong opinions on names, and decided that there wasn't any point in arguing the finer points of one name over another when half of the names we would argue over wouldn't even matter. So now it's time to get into heated name discussions.
After Friday's ultrasound the reality very much set in. We're going to have a baby! It's going to be a girl! And we've got to get our rears in gear and prepare!!!!!
The ultrasound was just beautiful. It's so intricate. The details of the anatomy: the perfect spinal column, all 4 chambers of the heart working with the valves, the individual metacarpals, metatarsals and phalanges. The mouth opening and closing as if to say, "Hi! Here I am!". The little hand waving back and forth and opening and closing. Truly amazing.
I, personally, am thrilled. My daughter comes from an amazing heritage of brave, strong, intelligent women, particularly on my maternal side. Her great-great grandmother, the second daughter of four daughters born to the mayor of her village in Japan, sailed across the pacific ocean at the turn of the 20th century to become a picture bride to a man she'd never met. Her great grandmother, also the second of four sisters, left an American internment camp with her husband, during world war II, to farm for the government that imprisoned them. While her husband oversaw German POWs working in his fields, this woman cooked extra food at lunch so that all would have enough to eat. Her grandmother broke the color line for her sorority nationally, and went on to break the color line in a school district in the Midwest as an English teacher. And then there's me, her mother, who has had all sorts of adventures. Aaron said he knew it was a girl from the minute he found out that the baby was kicking the surrogate when she was in a position the baby didn't like. It's not a Yokoyama-woman trait to sit on the sidelines. ;)
Now I really feel as if the pressure is on to get ready. The baby's room, until now, has been the room in our house that we toss stuff into when we're not sure what to do with it. And, to be completely transparent, it's mostly my stuff! So the rest of the day will be spent cleaning that room out.
Aaron and I have been holding off on name discussions until now. We quickly realized we had some strong opinions on names, and decided that there wasn't any point in arguing the finer points of one name over another when half of the names we would argue over wouldn't even matter. So now it's time to get into heated name discussions.
After Friday's ultrasound the reality very much set in. We're going to have a baby! It's going to be a girl! And we've got to get our rears in gear and prepare!!!!!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Pink or Blue...But What Ever Happened to Red?
So tomorrow's the "big" day, the day we have the ultrasound that will tell us if our child is a boy or a girl. Of course, along the way we've learned that what is supposed to happen on a particular day isn't always what happens. So, if the ultrasound doesn't show the gender, I guess we'll just wait for another little bit.
All along this journey people have been asking us when we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl, or if we want a boy or a girl, or if we have boy names and girl names picked out. When we went to Babies R Us I was honestly shocked at how "genderized" everything is. Out of all the crib bedding and whatnot there was only 1 that I would consider gender neutral. All of the others seemed to scream BOY or GIRL. Boy or girl, boy or girl, that's the big question. That's how one chooses how to decorate a nursery. That's how one chooses which clothing to pick. That even determines how people react to the baby. Let's say you dress a baby in as "gender neutral" clothing as you can, maybe jeans and a red t-shirt. If you tell people the baby is a girl, automatically you hear comments of, "Oh isn't she precious looking?" and "How beautiful!" Take the same child and tell people it's a boy and the comments become "Look at how strong he is!" and "Isn't he a flirt!" From the very beginning the child gets treated a certain way based on their gender.
There was an interesting article lately about a couple in Canada who has a child named "Storm." They have decided that, for the time being, they aren't going to tell anyone the child's gender. Storm will just be Storm. And people can react how they see fit. And this is causing an uproar. People like to know gender. It very quickly gears a person's thinking towards gifts for a child, or clothes for a child, or even for the phrases one uses with a child. A child without a known gender is uncomfortable. I'm not saying that I agree with rasing a child without sharing his or her gender, but it certainly is an interesting experiment.
I remember when a relative had a child born with undifferentiated genitalia. Even the doctors at the hospital had a hard time wrapping their heads around that one. Pink cap or blue cap? Baby Boy ____ or Baby Girl ____ for the name plate? Until the DNA results came back there was quite a bit of befuddlement, even from the medical professionals.
I wonder about how our children pick up ideas on gender roles and how different genders are supposed to behave. Several of our favorite family stories revolve around use of the iron in our household as we were growing up. You see, dad did all the ironing. I'm pretty sure my mom knows how to iron, but it was always dad who did it. It was mostly his work shirts that needed ironing and he liked it a certain way, so he ironed. As a teenager, if I needed something ironed I went to my father, not to my mother. So anyhow, the first story begins with me watching my father very closely, when I was around 4 years old. I mean, I was staring at him intently as he ironed one day. And dad, with his infinite patience, just waited until I was ready to ask my question. I took a deep breath and asked with all the seriousness a 4 year old can muster, "Daddy, can girls iron?" And my father, in his infinite wisdom replied, "Why yes, girls can iron. They can do they laundry and do the dishes. They can be doctors or nurses, lawyers or astronauts. Girls can do anything they want to." Several years down the road, I was about 6 and my sister was 3. We were playing in the family room, and, for some reason, mom was doing some ironing. The way she tells it, we were playing, and then all of a sudden we were very quiet. She looked up, and we were both looking at her wide-eyed. At that point I asked, "Mommy, does Daddy know you're using HIS iron?" It wasn't just ironing, when it came to childrearing and housekeeping both of my parents pitched in. Some of my favorite meals didn't taste right unless my father cooked them.
Then I contrast this with a statement another little relative made when she was about 3 years old. "I ONLY want to wear dresses. Pants are ugly! Dresses are pretty!" The thing is, both of her parents tried to raise her as "gender neutral" as possible. They dressed her in all sorts of clothing and colors. They both pitched in around the house. Her mom, while beautiful, hardly ever wore dresses or skirts. Mostly she wore jeans. So where did this little one get the idea that dresses were what was pretty and should be worn? They didn't even have cable in their house, so it wasn't like she watched a lot of tv. But somewhere she got that message and took it into her little heart. That was in about 2006. And, as much as I hate to say it, things have changed since I was a little girl, and I'm not sure that they are for the better.
Lately it seems like the "princess" concept has taken off everywhere. It used to be one just saw little girls dressed as princesses at Disney theme parks, and now they are all over the place. OK, here's my disclaimer. If you know me, you know I LOVE Disney! I worked there in entertainment for goodness sakes', embodying all of the things I'm about to have an issue with. So yes, there is a bit of me that is a hypocrite, but honestly I think there's just more of me that's plain old confused. Until 2000 Disney had never marketed the "Princesses" outside of their story lines. Whenever a Princess was seen on a shirt it was in the context of her story, eg: Snow White was always with the 7 dwarves, Sleeping Beauty was always with the 3 fairies, etc. Then, in 2000, after realizing how many little girls came to the parks dressed in homemade Princess costumes, Disney began the "Princess" brand and line. The big 5 princesses (Belle, Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora and Ariel) suddenly began appearing on t-shirts and sweatshirts all over the place. Specific princess costumes for girls were developed and sold in the parks and in Disney Stores. And little girls and their families ate it up. (I'm in the process of reading a very thought provoking book: Cinderella Ate My Daughter. definitely worth the read). Suddenly little girls were princessed up all over the place. And the concept has exploded. Yes, there's Captain Hook and Peter Pan, Buzz Lightyear and Woody, but not nearly to the extent of the princesses.
So here's my thing, and here's where I struggle. The princesses aren't exactly the best role models that I want for my daughter. Most of them (Cinderella, Belle, Ariel) have absentee mothers. Those that do have mothers have Wicked Stepmothers. A good number of them disobey their parent (Mulan, Ariel). And, as I see it, most damaging, most of them get into trouble or find themselves in trouble and instead of solving the situation themselves they require rescuing from a man. Cinderella needs the prince to rescue her, which he only does after she was all gussied up for a ball. Belle, who is a reader which I appreciate, needs Beast to fall in love with her to give her her freedom. Ariel, maybe the worst offender, gives up her VOICE of all things, to get a man to like her. Snow white needs a prince's kiss to save her. And on and on. It's also notable that the big 5 princesses are all white. So much for Pocahontas, Jasmine, Mulan and Tiana. Rarely are they included on any princess merchandise with the others. It's hard to find merchandise featuring them alone. But I LOVE DISNEY! So how the heck do I reconcile this? I guess it's watching movies with your children, male or female, and then talking about what you see and notice; the good and bad choices the characters make along the way.
I also think the "princess" theme tends to limit creative play instead of encourage it. When we were younger we played house and school and going to the zoo, and horses and some game one of my best friends and I invented with a flying machine in her back yard (which was actually a really cool tree) all sorts of other pretend scenarios. The thing about playing "princess" is that rather than using their imaginations, children act out the scripts they know. There is a formula to princess play that isn't as open ended as school or house. Dress up and pretend play iis great for kids, wonderful for their imaginations and necessary for psychosocial development. But when the script is already written, how much of it is pretend play and how much of it is regurgitation?
I'm sure if I thought it through I could come up with similar cultural influences on boys: video games, sports, etc. But I'm most familiar with girls because, well, I am one. And, to me, it seems like maybe we've lost some of the gains we had before. Try and find tops for girls that aren't pink and glittery. Try to find baby gear that doesn't scream BOY or GIRL. Try to find any nursery theme that isn't almost all pink with hearts and butterflies or blue with sports balls or trains. I wish I could find more in the middle ground. But it's very, very difficult.
So tomorrow we find out the gender of our child. And the thing that I hope Aaron and I always remember to keep at the forefront as we parent is that boy or girl, what is most important is that we help our child discover his or her unique God-given qualities, some of which may be gender related, but, I suspect, much of which has nothing to do with his or her gender, and nuture those qualities for what they are. That we think outside of the box the marketing executives and clothing designers attempt to build around the genders, and help our child to find who he or she is, the way he or she was created by God, and to believe in that and trust that.
All along this journey people have been asking us when we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl, or if we want a boy or a girl, or if we have boy names and girl names picked out. When we went to Babies R Us I was honestly shocked at how "genderized" everything is. Out of all the crib bedding and whatnot there was only 1 that I would consider gender neutral. All of the others seemed to scream BOY or GIRL. Boy or girl, boy or girl, that's the big question. That's how one chooses how to decorate a nursery. That's how one chooses which clothing to pick. That even determines how people react to the baby. Let's say you dress a baby in as "gender neutral" clothing as you can, maybe jeans and a red t-shirt. If you tell people the baby is a girl, automatically you hear comments of, "Oh isn't she precious looking?" and "How beautiful!" Take the same child and tell people it's a boy and the comments become "Look at how strong he is!" and "Isn't he a flirt!" From the very beginning the child gets treated a certain way based on their gender.
There was an interesting article lately about a couple in Canada who has a child named "Storm." They have decided that, for the time being, they aren't going to tell anyone the child's gender. Storm will just be Storm. And people can react how they see fit. And this is causing an uproar. People like to know gender. It very quickly gears a person's thinking towards gifts for a child, or clothes for a child, or even for the phrases one uses with a child. A child without a known gender is uncomfortable. I'm not saying that I agree with rasing a child without sharing his or her gender, but it certainly is an interesting experiment.
I remember when a relative had a child born with undifferentiated genitalia. Even the doctors at the hospital had a hard time wrapping their heads around that one. Pink cap or blue cap? Baby Boy ____ or Baby Girl ____ for the name plate? Until the DNA results came back there was quite a bit of befuddlement, even from the medical professionals.
I wonder about how our children pick up ideas on gender roles and how different genders are supposed to behave. Several of our favorite family stories revolve around use of the iron in our household as we were growing up. You see, dad did all the ironing. I'm pretty sure my mom knows how to iron, but it was always dad who did it. It was mostly his work shirts that needed ironing and he liked it a certain way, so he ironed. As a teenager, if I needed something ironed I went to my father, not to my mother. So anyhow, the first story begins with me watching my father very closely, when I was around 4 years old. I mean, I was staring at him intently as he ironed one day. And dad, with his infinite patience, just waited until I was ready to ask my question. I took a deep breath and asked with all the seriousness a 4 year old can muster, "Daddy, can girls iron?" And my father, in his infinite wisdom replied, "Why yes, girls can iron. They can do they laundry and do the dishes. They can be doctors or nurses, lawyers or astronauts. Girls can do anything they want to." Several years down the road, I was about 6 and my sister was 3. We were playing in the family room, and, for some reason, mom was doing some ironing. The way she tells it, we were playing, and then all of a sudden we were very quiet. She looked up, and we were both looking at her wide-eyed. At that point I asked, "Mommy, does Daddy know you're using HIS iron?" It wasn't just ironing, when it came to childrearing and housekeeping both of my parents pitched in. Some of my favorite meals didn't taste right unless my father cooked them.
Then I contrast this with a statement another little relative made when she was about 3 years old. "I ONLY want to wear dresses. Pants are ugly! Dresses are pretty!" The thing is, both of her parents tried to raise her as "gender neutral" as possible. They dressed her in all sorts of clothing and colors. They both pitched in around the house. Her mom, while beautiful, hardly ever wore dresses or skirts. Mostly she wore jeans. So where did this little one get the idea that dresses were what was pretty and should be worn? They didn't even have cable in their house, so it wasn't like she watched a lot of tv. But somewhere she got that message and took it into her little heart. That was in about 2006. And, as much as I hate to say it, things have changed since I was a little girl, and I'm not sure that they are for the better.
Lately it seems like the "princess" concept has taken off everywhere. It used to be one just saw little girls dressed as princesses at Disney theme parks, and now they are all over the place. OK, here's my disclaimer. If you know me, you know I LOVE Disney! I worked there in entertainment for goodness sakes', embodying all of the things I'm about to have an issue with. So yes, there is a bit of me that is a hypocrite, but honestly I think there's just more of me that's plain old confused. Until 2000 Disney had never marketed the "Princesses" outside of their story lines. Whenever a Princess was seen on a shirt it was in the context of her story, eg: Snow White was always with the 7 dwarves, Sleeping Beauty was always with the 3 fairies, etc. Then, in 2000, after realizing how many little girls came to the parks dressed in homemade Princess costumes, Disney began the "Princess" brand and line. The big 5 princesses (Belle, Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora
So here's my thing, and here's where I struggle. The princesses aren't exactly the best role models that I want for my daughter. Most of them (Cinderella, Belle, Ariel) have absentee mothers. Those that do have mothers have Wicked Stepmothers. A good number of them disobey their parent (Mulan, Ariel). And, as I see it, most damaging, most of them get into trouble or find themselves in trouble and instead of solving the situation themselves they require rescuing from a man. Cinderella needs the prince to rescue her, which he only does after she was all gussied up for a ball. Belle, who is a reader which I appreciate, needs Beast to fall in love with her to give her her freedom. Ariel, maybe the worst offender, gives up her VOICE of all things, to get a man to like her. Snow white needs a prince's kiss to save her. And on and on. It's also notable that the big 5 princesses are all white. So much for Pocahontas, Jasmine, Mulan and Tiana. Rarely are they included on any princess merchandise with the others. It's hard to find merchandise featuring them alone. But I LOVE DISNEY! So how the heck do I reconcile this? I guess it's watching movies with your children, male or female, and then talking about what you see and notice; the good and bad choices the characters make along the way.
I also think the "princess" theme tends to limit creative play instead of encourage it. When we were younger we played house and school and going to the zoo, and horses and some game one of my best friends and I invented with a flying machine in her back yard (which was actually a really cool tree) all sorts of other pretend scenarios. The thing about playing "princess" is that rather than using their imaginations, children act out the scripts they know. There is a formula to princess play that isn't as open ended as school or house. Dress up and pretend play iis great for kids, wonderful for their imaginations and necessary for psychosocial development. But when the script is already written, how much of it is pretend play and how much of it is regurgitation?
I'm sure if I thought it through I could come up with similar cultural influences on boys: video games, sports, etc. But I'm most familiar with girls because, well, I am one. And, to me, it seems like maybe we've lost some of the gains we had before. Try and find tops for girls that aren't pink and glittery. Try to find baby gear that doesn't scream BOY or GIRL. Try to find any nursery theme that isn't almost all pink with hearts and butterflies or blue with sports balls or trains. I wish I could find more in the middle ground. But it's very, very difficult.
So tomorrow we find out the gender of our child. And the thing that I hope Aaron and I always remember to keep at the forefront as we parent is that boy or girl, what is most important is that we help our child discover his or her unique God-given qualities, some of which may be gender related, but, I suspect, much of which has nothing to do with his or her gender, and nuture those qualities for what they are. That we think outside of the box the marketing executives and clothing designers attempt to build around the genders, and help our child to find who he or she is, the way he or she was created by God, and to believe in that and trust that.
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